Poor Mommy- she just can't win.

The thermometer outside reads somewhere around -16. We have plenty of snow- something of a shock this week, as only Monday it was 10 degrees and not a snowflake in sight.

So, here we are, plunged into winter in a matter of a few days. I am feeling Christmasy now- I am starting to feel a strong need to have my shopping done, my Christmas lights up, and 3-dozen different kinds of cookies ready in the freezer for last-minute Christmas thank-yous. Because this is insane and impossible for me to accomplish today, I compromise by trning on a little Twisted Christmas. Yes- Twisted Sister's rocking good album of carols. We purchased it because my Mother-in-law loves Christmas music and has such a variety, we thought this would be a fun (and humorous) addition. Not sure how fond she is of it, but my son likes it very much> So much, that we were still listening to it at Easter last year.

So, on go the twisted rockin' out carols, and as we listen I remember a thought I had last year about an old standard- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. This song, of the very many christmas songs out there, really irks me. Even more than the 80's classic, Do they know it's Christmas, which you hear everytime you are near a radio or a shopping mall (I do still love Duran Duran and Paul Young though...).

This song is supposed to be cute, I suppose- a little one, so excited about Christmas that they just can't wait for morning, sneaks downstairs to take a peek at the presents under the tree. And what to his wondering eyes should appear- Mommy snoggin Santa.

Now, for those of us in the know, we are aware that the sugar in the red suit is really Daddy, playing the part because he is a good dad and wants his kids to have that warn fuzzy feeling that comes with Saint Nik. But Mom? We know she is just giving a little sugar because- well, we can leave it at that. But from the viewpoint of the little darling peeking in from the staircase, Mom has just been revealed as a big tart. Really- what nice girl would kiss a strange man who slides down the chimney? Doesn't matter that he has a big bag of presents. Mommy is tarting it up with some guy that is not Daddy.

So- we have a dilemma. Do we preserve the magic and excitement of Christmas? Or do we salvage Mommy's good name in the eyes of her hurt and confused children?  Mommy loses either way. She is either the destroyer of Christmas dreams, or a ho ho ho. Because she is a good mom, she will probably preserve the magic of Christmas because she wants her children to have all of that joy.

She may just need to add money for therapy in her kids' stockings.

I believe women have the right to choose..... but I am not a feminist...

This statement drives me absolutely batty. really. How can you believe that women have the right to choose for themselves, that women have the right to an education (beyond the mastery of the perfect muffin), the right to a career and the right to own property, and not be a feminist? How???

I teach first year college students, and some of what I talk about does get into the feminist arena. For example, the portrayal of the wandering womb and uterine furies in the 17th century (fabulous subject!). Automatically, my students assume that I am a big man-hater and that I am out to get all of the male students in my class, simply because they have a penis. Personally, I could not care one bit less about what they are toting around. What I care about is that they are listening to me babble on, and that they can repeat something relatively close to what I gave them on the exams.

However, here we are, in a day and age where we have achieved some of those very fundamental rights, and our young women are afraid to admit that they are feminists because, well, boys won't like them if they are feminists.

This makes me so very sad. The fact that we are still so concerned about what boys think- and that we will alter who we are to such a degree that we have to play cute but dumb just to keep the attention of a boy, well that tells me that we really have not come that far. Well, at least we can say that now we have the choice to play cute but dumb.
Huzza for that! I can CHOOSE to pretend I am stupid. A great day for women's liberation!

You know, I blame Cosmo. I do. It claims to be a magazine for the modern woman, the woman who has claimed her sexuality and is not afraid to be bold and assertive. However, I also find that so much of it is about keeping wrinkles at bay, and how to dress like a sexy little vamp at work so that you can attract the boys but not the ire of the ladies in the workplace. It is all about how we look, how to attract a man, and how to fool him into staying with us (which boils down to sex tips in every issue). Because really, girls- what could we possibly have to offer that would be worth anything aside from what can be wrapped up in black satin and lace?

The young women that come into my classroom- they are confident and self-assured in their 20ish knowledge and experience, and they know they want an education and a career, and all the opportunities that our modern age can offer. But do not make the mistake of thinking that they are feminists. oh no- our mothers and grandmothers fought that war for us, so that we can enjoy equality without the burden of being feminists. Just look at barbie, for proof. She is not only a pretty little thing in the latest fashions, but she is a professional too. She can be anything she wants (providing it involves shopping, fashion, or fuzzy fur-babies with big eyes).

Hooray for the modern world!

a truth about motherhood??

I have 2 kids. My oldest just started school, and the younger just turned 18 months. They keep me very busy, and I do love being a mom- although I am not prehaps as aware of that at 2am when they are not sleeping well, or when they start screaming grow-up words in the grocery store, or when they start calling out loudly and incessantly for a cookie when we are within 5km of the grocery store. However, they remind me how much I love being a mom when, for example, my son starts dancing in Michael's craft store at the front entrance so that he can watch himself dance on the tv monitor (this earned him the adoration of many in the store, and a tstuffed bear for most awesome craft store dancer). Or when my daughter starts reciting the names of her most favorite characters from In the Night Garden in her most charming, and loudest voice.

After she was born, I decided that I would not return to my job. I had been full time before my first child, and went part-time after my maternity leave with him. And after my daughter, I left it entirely. I wanted to stay home and raise my kids- something that, a few years ago, I had not seriously considered. I worked hard in school, got a BA and 2 master's degrees, and I had a career path in mind. Certainly I wanted what was best for my kids, but did that mean I had to let go of the education that I had spent years working for- and paying for? No. Thousands of women out there balance work and home just fine, and their kids turn out just fine, thank you.

I still believe that, and by no means is this a rant about why women should stay at home. I am a feminist (which is not a 4-letter word, by the way), and I believe that women have earned the right to make those choices. I made the choice to stay at home because it was right for me, and right for my family.

So what if I decided to return to work once my daughter is in school? That would be 5 years out of the work force... and apparently, as a result, I could expect to receive a whopping 15% less in salary than I had before children. !!! 15% !!!

I heard on the radio yesterday about a recent study that shows women lose around 3 or 3.5% for each year they are out of the work force while at home with kids. Like all of the skills I worked so hard for depreciate like an old car as soon as I am off the lot. Depressing.

I am not entirely surprised, really- depending on what field you are in, a lot can change in one year. And, I agree with some of the comments I have read that a person shouldn't expect a raise during a year of absence- that just makes sense. But I can't see how a year off with kids would make me rusty in a job for which I had trained long and hard. For example- if I were a teacher of Renaissance literature, and specialize in Shakespeare. How am I worth 3% less for taking one year off? Does the research about Shakespeare change THAT much that I am unable to do my job as well as someone else that has not taken a year? Or if I were an accountant and had been working for a company for a few years before taking time off to raise a child. Certainly, if I were out of it for a while I would need to take some time to gain my bearings- just as anyone who enters a new job. But it does not mean that all of my experience in that field has been snatched away, revoked like a delinquent driver's licence, and my abilities reduced to counting to 5 on my toes, to the tune of Old Macdonald's Farm.

What this really comes down to, in my opinion, is the lack of respect our society has for child rearing, on the one hand, and the excuse for cutting back a few bucks, on the other. Here we think we have come such a long way- women go to school and get an education. We run companies and countries and households, we litigate and we calculate and we build. Our world has opened up to us in so many ways, and we celebrate how marvellous it is- yet we are still reduced to these mindless ninnies capable of nothing more than a peanut butter sandwhich as soon as we give birth. Our mental capacities shrink to the level of Elmo, like a disease from which we can never recover.

I joke often that I have few brains left because 45% went to my son and another 45% to my daughter. The 10% left me is what gives me the ability to make a mean PB&J sandwhich, pick up the lego scattered about my house, and sing alphabet songs all day long. Beyond that? Nada.
I am kidding though. If the powers that be were listening and thought I was serious, and thought that motherhood makes you stupid- I WAS KIDDING!!!

I can still count to at least 10, and most of the time I don't even use all of my fingers. or my toes.

So. Anyone else wish to rant to the gods of modernity about the hypocricy towards at-home parents? Perhaps if we all chant loudly enough they will hear.
Or they might just get better earplugs.